i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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