im having a threesome with these popsicles
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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