tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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