There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
