I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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