He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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