i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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