I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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