you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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