She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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