Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
BRING THE BAGELS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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