grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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