he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
