stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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