I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
