Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
