It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
