Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
NoShamevember. You game?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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