I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
