I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
