Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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