I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
