I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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