Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
