i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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