Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
