I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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