and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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