I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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