I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
