We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
