it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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