it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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