So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
