My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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