Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
