if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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