So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
