i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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