Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize