Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
