I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
