Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
