i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
