I looked at my own cervix.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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