so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
