I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
