Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had to cum in my sink.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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