woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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