I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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