If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
