end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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