We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize