I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
