I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
