Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
