Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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