He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
