I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
