How'd it feel making her break her religion?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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