My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
