Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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