I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
