so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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