i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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