oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
