He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
