I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's on the porch naked. Help.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize