i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize