I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
