I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
